I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
