Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
