I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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