Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize