Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize