She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
