Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
