My room smells like vodka and shame
one two three fourrrrnication!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
