Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
