She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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