it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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