we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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