last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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