I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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