the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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