is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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