I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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