i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
