I wanna passion pit in your ass
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
