i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
