Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize