when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
