I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize