put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
