I just made out with a guy for $7.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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