She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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