I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
