is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
North Korea, Best Korea!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
