He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
