I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
