Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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