Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
