Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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