I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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