Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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