i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
