I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
