shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
