Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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