She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
