i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
