You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
