From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize