No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
