i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
