I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize