i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
