she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
