and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
