dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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