I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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