Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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