I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
