Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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