her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
