i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
