oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
