I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
