Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
