I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize