my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize