I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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