You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
