First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude. I can hear the air.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
