Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
