Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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