Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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