if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
