If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
