we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
