He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
